self REALIZATIONS

So I've completely slacked off on keeping this thing updated, i guess Im not as much of a fan of this as I thought. haha. Nevertheless, Im sure you're wondering what ive been doing, what I'm up to these days. Well, the Lord is doing great things here in not only the lives of these children, but also in my life. E. St. Louis isnt the worst place on earth, but it is the roughest place I've ever become a part of. But its crazy though because some of our kids are bitter, some have serious behavioral problems, and some are just seeking after love. These kids are amazing. I've said it before Im sure, but its taken me a while to truely see just how amazing they are. Growing up Baptist theres always been that "turn or burn" kind of mentality. There was always that emphasis on gettin people "saved", but what were we saving them from? Did we truely want them to experience life more abundantly? Or were we just going through motions because that was we're "supposed" to do? Ive learned that alot of times we as christians are all about gettin people saved, then we send them on their way, but what effort do we make to truely get to know them as people, as children of God? Do we ever build that relationship, that trust and accountability? When I first got here I just wanted to open my bible and just "get people saved"- Ive been aware that its not me or anyone else who can get someone saved. Thats a moving of the holy spirit. I was told by Drew, I believe, that a group would drive through here, pass out tracks, get children "saved", and go on with their business. Its one of the easiest things to get a child to say they love God, but do they truly know what that means to love God, to be saved, and even that God loves them. Here, for me, love takes on a whole new meaning. Love is no longer a feeling or emotion that takes place around family or friends. Love is an action. Love is a verb. Love isnt something that just comes from our mouths, but instead is something that we do, and dont get me wrong, we don't do it alone. We are incapable of love, pure selfless love, without Jesus Christ being the center of it, and even still, when has Christ been our ONE AND ONLY motive for anything? Theres always that hint of pride or that sliver of gain that we look to. Nobody is capable of not sinning, not even for one moment of our lives. I understand thats a strong statement and I understand that is controversial, but seriously. As soon as we say we can go without sining, what are we doing? boasting maybe? putting ourselves higher than others maybe? and i could go on. But anyways, I'll stop chasing that rabbit.. haha. ANYWAYS, I think that one big lesson that the Lord is teaching me is to wait. Things don't always happen when or how we want them to, but in the end, what we want doesnt matter- what we want has never mattered- The will of the Lord will always prevail over the will of man, and the life we lead is not our own.

"Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate." [[Psalm 127:3-5]]

Prayer Requests: Pray for guidance, for financial blessing, and that I can find a job that will fit into my schedule for the upcomming year. Pray for all the other summer missionaries, that God uses them in a mighty way wherever they go, and Pray for the people we come in contact each and every day and that we all learn to wait on the Lord instead of trying to take things into our own hands.